So, a lot has changed in the last few months. I'm not in the navy. I'm not going to New Jersey. I met a boy and I am staying in Michigan with him.
We have only been together for 4 months and things are moving way to fast but were renting a house together. We were supposed to move in several weeks ago but one delay after another keeps us from getting in to the house. Hopefully things will be together by this weekend though. Tomorrow morning at 9 am I have an appointment with a psychiatrist to get medicated because I swear all I do any more is cry. Poor Ryan is always having to deal with a crying girlfriend and I know it hurts him to see me hurting and not understand why. He tries so hard to make me happy. I really wish I could be happy for him. I know, its sad. I'm growing up and I'm getting better but I still cant be happy for myself. I still have to be happy for someone else. I can't understand why, why I cant just be happy for me. Maybe the psychiatrist can help me with that kind of thing too. Maybe he can teach me to be happy for myself. But speaking of teaching, I got signed up for school the other day. My orientation is Thursday morning but the CNA class I'm hoping to get into doesn't start until March. My mom even said she would pay for the class for me. Life is going really well and I'm really happy. I know I am, or at least I know I should be. I really wish I could be.